Highly Accurate Horoscope 2016

One of my many relevant and completely genuine qualifications is that of the mystical art of the horoscope, so in an effort to get some content up on here I thought I’d take the easy way out diversify the blog’s focus and utilise my very real horoscopy skills to give the readership that which all 23 of them definitely need, even if they’re pretty damn certain that they don’t: a trite and at times slightly off-colour summary of how their lives will play out for roughly the next 12 months.

So whether you’re a chef, one of those grating bourgeois hipsters whose current obsession is food-centric, a relative/friend/ex-colleague of mine who feels obliged to continue reading, a stay-at-home-parent with spirit not yet broken, or just simply deranged, let me help you navigate the existential morass. JUST LET ME. What’s the worst that can happen? That I could unwittingly touch upon one of your deeply hidden, crippling fears and send you into an agonising spiral of self-loathing that takes days to claw your way out of? If you’re a hospitality worker that’s probably part of your weekly routine anyway: get over it. read more…

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